Pet Peeves: Pastry Chef Edition

 

Unbalanced and under~seasoned desserts:  A sweet dessert is not always a good dessert. Sweet is a taste, not a flavor, that sometimes needs to be balanced with salt or acid if one is expected to keep eating… and enjoying.

Not offering the dessert menu /desserts listed on separate menu: It’s hard to sell food that people don’t know exists and they won’t know it exists until they see the menu.

The obligatory chocolate {cake} dessert: Can we start using chocolate desserts on menus in a way that makes conceptual sense and not because they’re an ‘easy sell’? Bittersweet chocolate cake after sushi?! I’ll pass.

Smoked desserts: Desserts are delicate and don’t take kindly to smoke. Unfortunately, some chefs didn’t get the memo and apply so much smoke that the flavor lingers long after one has eaten the dessert. If I wanted to finish my meal on such a smoky note, I’d light up a cigarette and spare myself the calories.

Soggy crusts: A dead giveaway that a dessert is way past its prime.

Overcooked Custards: A properly cooked custard is a thing of beauty. Smooth. Silky. Sexy. An overcooked, curdled egg? It just makes me weep; me and the custard.

Dry Bread Pudding: It’s hard to believe that chefs still make the basic mistake of not soaking bread long enough and overcooking the pudding (which is really a custard) but they do.

Cupcakes: I really want to throat-punch cupcakes. I can’t believe they’re still a trend and people make so much money slinging them. Dry, stale, and buried under layers of overly sweet but ornate layers of frosting.  They may be pretty to look at, but their flavor never lives up to their kitschy names.

Sticky countertops and smelly deli containers: Few things ruin a dessert quicker than poor sanitation. Chimichurri- scented ice cream anyone?

The Jackson Pollock style of plating: It’s more sauce than dessert. Come to think of it, where IS the dessert?!

“Flaming” Desserts: Often a gimmick used to detract from a mediocre dessert.

 ‘Red Velvet’: Dumping a ton of red food coloring (which is alarmingly bitter, by the way) and serving it with cream cheese~anything does not a ‘red velvet’ dessert make. Please stop.